Breathe
by Taylor Swift and Colbie Caillat
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.People are people,And sometimes we change our minds.But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.
Mmm mmm mmmMmm mmm mmm mmm mmmMmm mmm mmmMmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,Now I don’t know what to be without you around.
And we know it’s never simple,Never easy.Never a clean break, no one here to save me.You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,And I can’t,Breathe,Without you,But I have to,Breathe,Without you,But I have to.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.But people are people,And sometimes it doesn’t work out,Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.
And we know it’s never simple,Never easy.Never a clean break, no one here to save me.You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,And I can’t,Breathe,Without you,But I have to,Breathe,Without you,But I have to.
It’s two a.m.Feelin' like I just lost a friend.Hope you know it’s not easy,Easy for me.
It’s two a.m.Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.Hope you know this ain’t easy,Easy for me.
And we know it’s never simple,Never easy.Never a clean break, no one here to save me.Ohhh
I can’t,Breathe,Without you,But I have to,Breathe,Without you,But I have to.
Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)Sorry
© SONY/ATV SONGS D/B/A TREE PUBG CO; TAYLOR SWIFT PUB DESIGNEE
You would have to hear this song to understand how beautiful is. Olivia bought Taylor Swift's most recent CD on Saturday. She asked if we could play the CD on the way home. I halfway listened to the songs as I was driving until this one came on. The song finished and I was overwhelmed. I had to play it again. I probably listened to this song 20 times that night.
I know it's supposed to be a break-up song, but for some reason I kept thinking about Missy. It's like the song says..."I can't breathe without you but I have to." When I first realized that she was dead it was like the air had been sucked out of me. I couldn't breathe. Each day since the accident I have been teaching myself to breathe again. I never had time to shut down, and honestly...I never wanted to shut down. My instinct was to keep pushing myself each day to get up, get the kids ready for school, get myself ready for school and whatever else the day had to offer me. I know without a doubt that what I was doing was exactly what Missy would want and expect me to do.
Now don't get me wrong...I allowed myself time to grieve when I needed to. I just grieved more internally. I wasn't hiding it. I just was handling it all in my own stride. Today, I am better. The "oxygen tank" has been removed and I am breathing on my own... If hope you get a chance to listen to this song.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
She's baaacccckkkk!!
Did you miss me?
I must first apologize for my long absence. I have just been very busy (and maybe a wee bit selfish) the last couple of months.
Well, three months at work and going strong! I really enjoy my job. I don't wake up dreading the day ahead and I don't stare at the clock wondering why 4:30 p.m. cannot come earlier in the day. It has a few drawbacks, but I refuse to even go there because anyone that knows me already knows what I will say. I am beginning to develop some nice friendships there. It will take me a long while to feel comfortable. I would say my comfort level is somewhere between laying on a bed of nails and that itch you get on the bottom of your right foot while driving in a pair of laced up boots! You all know what I am talking about.
I really need to decorate my office it's kind of dreary, aside from the Marilyn Monroe picture that I received from my mom and Janice. The guys like it a lot! I just have to figure out what I want on the other 3 walls.
I pretty much understand what my job is all about now and that is a huge relief. I hate feeling ignorant. I still have a lot of "blond moments," but everyone seems to ignore them.
The next exciting this is that my "little sis" is knocked up!!!! I'm going to be an auntie to twins!! I am so excited and I can't wait to spoil them rotten. Hopefully we will find out what they are by the end of the month so the spoiling can begin. Sarah looks beautiful and I am always happy to rub the belly!!! She and Aaron are going to be phenomenal parents. Sarah's had a lot of practice with my munchkins.
Speaking of my munchkins...
Gavin and Livvy were baptized on Sunday at church. I have been excited for this day for some time. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that I felt. I watched them walk into the baptistry and tears immediately filled my eyes. There wasn't a Kleenex in sight. I wasn't the only one that was misty eyed!! It was so moving to watch my kids one at a time go under the water and resurface as a testimony to their faith. My only hope is that in this world, they never lose that faith. Sometimes it is the only thing we have to hold on to.
I will admit for the last month I have been very selfish. I spent every free moment I had reading. I truly enjoy reading. It is a hobby I don't get to indulge in too much. I started reading the Twilight series and was so captivated by the story that I read the whole series in a month. It seemed like everyone I knew had read it and I was out of the loop (thanks Dana and Sarah!!). It was one of those stories that begs you to keep reading and you just can't pull yourself away. I read until my eyes blurred sometimes and loved every minute of it. I am thankful that I read it because it awakened something in me that I thought had vanished years ago. It made me want to write again. I haven't written anything since my kids were born. It's not that I haven't wanted to, but I just honestly couldn't find the time. I never claimed to be a good writer, but I just enjoyed the art of writing. There is something about pouring your heart out on paper that makes you feel so many different emotions. I haven't written anything yet, but it made me want to write. It's like a craving now. I just need a story to tell. That's the hard part, finding something to write about. I live a fairly uneventful life, which makes it hard to draw from personal experience. I also lack the creativity to just think up some story that is worth telling.
I love to read Nicholas Sparks books. He is a great story teller. He is so good about pulling emotions out of his readers. His books always make me cry. Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight based on a dream she had one night. I am not blessed with that kind of creativity. I guess I write better with prompts. I had a great English teacher in college. She had this ability to pull the creativity out of me. It was your typical English composition class, but she focused on creative writing rather than writing about books we read. I loved that class so much. I need to do some research on the Internet to find some writing prompts that appeal to me. I don't want to write a novel or anything like that. I just want to simply "get it out of my system." Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to be the next J.K. Rowlings or Stephenie Meyer, but that is not my goal. It would be so gratifying to write something that people couldn't stop reading. It's not even a money thing. It is just the desire to write something that special.
So there you have it folks. That's been the last two months for me in a nutshell. Of course, more than what I have written about has been going on, but then what would I have to write about next time?
I must first apologize for my long absence. I have just been very busy (and maybe a wee bit selfish) the last couple of months.
Well, three months at work and going strong! I really enjoy my job. I don't wake up dreading the day ahead and I don't stare at the clock wondering why 4:30 p.m. cannot come earlier in the day. It has a few drawbacks, but I refuse to even go there because anyone that knows me already knows what I will say. I am beginning to develop some nice friendships there. It will take me a long while to feel comfortable. I would say my comfort level is somewhere between laying on a bed of nails and that itch you get on the bottom of your right foot while driving in a pair of laced up boots! You all know what I am talking about.
I really need to decorate my office it's kind of dreary, aside from the Marilyn Monroe picture that I received from my mom and Janice. The guys like it a lot! I just have to figure out what I want on the other 3 walls.
I pretty much understand what my job is all about now and that is a huge relief. I hate feeling ignorant. I still have a lot of "blond moments," but everyone seems to ignore them.
The next exciting this is that my "little sis" is knocked up!!!! I'm going to be an auntie to twins!! I am so excited and I can't wait to spoil them rotten. Hopefully we will find out what they are by the end of the month so the spoiling can begin. Sarah looks beautiful and I am always happy to rub the belly!!! She and Aaron are going to be phenomenal parents. Sarah's had a lot of practice with my munchkins.
Speaking of my munchkins...
Gavin and Livvy were baptized on Sunday at church. I have been excited for this day for some time. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that I felt. I watched them walk into the baptistry and tears immediately filled my eyes. There wasn't a Kleenex in sight. I wasn't the only one that was misty eyed!! It was so moving to watch my kids one at a time go under the water and resurface as a testimony to their faith. My only hope is that in this world, they never lose that faith. Sometimes it is the only thing we have to hold on to.
I will admit for the last month I have been very selfish. I spent every free moment I had reading. I truly enjoy reading. It is a hobby I don't get to indulge in too much. I started reading the Twilight series and was so captivated by the story that I read the whole series in a month. It seemed like everyone I knew had read it and I was out of the loop (thanks Dana and Sarah!!). It was one of those stories that begs you to keep reading and you just can't pull yourself away. I read until my eyes blurred sometimes and loved every minute of it. I am thankful that I read it because it awakened something in me that I thought had vanished years ago. It made me want to write again. I haven't written anything since my kids were born. It's not that I haven't wanted to, but I just honestly couldn't find the time. I never claimed to be a good writer, but I just enjoyed the art of writing. There is something about pouring your heart out on paper that makes you feel so many different emotions. I haven't written anything yet, but it made me want to write. It's like a craving now. I just need a story to tell. That's the hard part, finding something to write about. I live a fairly uneventful life, which makes it hard to draw from personal experience. I also lack the creativity to just think up some story that is worth telling.
I love to read Nicholas Sparks books. He is a great story teller. He is so good about pulling emotions out of his readers. His books always make me cry. Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight based on a dream she had one night. I am not blessed with that kind of creativity. I guess I write better with prompts. I had a great English teacher in college. She had this ability to pull the creativity out of me. It was your typical English composition class, but she focused on creative writing rather than writing about books we read. I loved that class so much. I need to do some research on the Internet to find some writing prompts that appeal to me. I don't want to write a novel or anything like that. I just want to simply "get it out of my system." Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to be the next J.K. Rowlings or Stephenie Meyer, but that is not my goal. It would be so gratifying to write something that people couldn't stop reading. It's not even a money thing. It is just the desire to write something that special.
So there you have it folks. That's been the last two months for me in a nutshell. Of course, more than what I have written about has been going on, but then what would I have to write about next time?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
3 weeks down...27 years to go!!
I know it's been a while since I last posted. I started work on February 16th and it has been non- stop action ever since.
I am really enjoying my job. The schedule is perfect for me and the family. The people I work with are all very nice and easy to get along with. The boss is pretty easy going and the job itself is not that stressful. You wouldn't have read that last sentence if I had written this entry 2 weeks ago. My first week on the job was pretty typical of what everyone experiences. I absorbed so much new information that by the end of the week that I was having some serious brain farts. I was lucky if I could tell you my name by Friday.
The whole week I felt out of place, nervous, and BLONDE!!! I would ask a question and instantly regret it because I already knew the answer (see...brain farts!). I kept thinking, "I'm a liar!! I told these people during the interview that I was awesome and that they would not regret hiring me. Now they're probably thinking where is the lady we interviewed two weeks ago." I know that the way I was feeling is completely normal, but you just can't help but feeling like you are letting your employer down.
Things improved the second week, and now that I have just finished my third week I feel more comfortable. I actually hung up a couple of pictures in my office because I figured if they were going to fire me then they would have done it already. They were all kind of glad when I finally started decorating my office. I kept hearing the phrase, "It's about time you covered up these white walls."
I work for three of the counselors and they are the best. Each person in the office has made me feel like a part of the team. I think I can definitely stick around for a while!! Heck...I have 27 years until I can retire :)
On the other hand, we have put our house on the market. I am thrilled to no end. I love my home and I love my neighbors so it is very bittersweet. Charlie and I just want to be closer to town and in a smaller house. With both of us working and not getting home until 6 p.m. or later it doesn't make sense to keep something this big. I can't keep it picked up, and we want to spend more time together. I miss my family!
So not only do I have to get up and get ready for work and get the kids ready for school, but I also have to make sure the house is ready if someone wants to see it. My mornings are VERY crazy. We have been looking at several houses and have found 2 that we are absolutely in love with. Gavin is not thrilled about the move. The little aspie in him is not happy about the change in his routine. He doesn't want to leave his friends or his school. I understand it's a very big deal for him. Olivia is following my advice and treating this like it's an adventure. Gavin said that if we move then he will not go with us and he will just stay in the house after we are gone. I don't believe that was part of the real estate ad and if it was, then we need to ask more for the house :)
Picture this...
"Beautiful 4BR 3BA home on a one acre lot. All appliances and one child included."
That would definitely catch some attention don't you think?
Gavin did go look at the homes we like today which is a big step for him. He liked them and quickly told Olivia which room was his! We are trying to get him as pumped as possible without pushing him over the edge. He will be fine. I hate that they have to leave their friends because I know how hard that is on a kid. I also know that if we constantly bowed to their every whim then we would be making a great mistake as a parent. I feel that they will both learn something very valuable from this move. It will be a life lesson that will teach them about handling change and that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to.
I hope you all have a great rest of the day!!
I am really enjoying my job. The schedule is perfect for me and the family. The people I work with are all very nice and easy to get along with. The boss is pretty easy going and the job itself is not that stressful. You wouldn't have read that last sentence if I had written this entry 2 weeks ago. My first week on the job was pretty typical of what everyone experiences. I absorbed so much new information that by the end of the week that I was having some serious brain farts. I was lucky if I could tell you my name by Friday.
The whole week I felt out of place, nervous, and BLONDE!!! I would ask a question and instantly regret it because I already knew the answer (see...brain farts!). I kept thinking, "I'm a liar!! I told these people during the interview that I was awesome and that they would not regret hiring me. Now they're probably thinking where is the lady we interviewed two weeks ago." I know that the way I was feeling is completely normal, but you just can't help but feeling like you are letting your employer down.
Things improved the second week, and now that I have just finished my third week I feel more comfortable. I actually hung up a couple of pictures in my office because I figured if they were going to fire me then they would have done it already. They were all kind of glad when I finally started decorating my office. I kept hearing the phrase, "It's about time you covered up these white walls."
I work for three of the counselors and they are the best. Each person in the office has made me feel like a part of the team. I think I can definitely stick around for a while!! Heck...I have 27 years until I can retire :)
On the other hand, we have put our house on the market. I am thrilled to no end. I love my home and I love my neighbors so it is very bittersweet. Charlie and I just want to be closer to town and in a smaller house. With both of us working and not getting home until 6 p.m. or later it doesn't make sense to keep something this big. I can't keep it picked up, and we want to spend more time together. I miss my family!
So not only do I have to get up and get ready for work and get the kids ready for school, but I also have to make sure the house is ready if someone wants to see it. My mornings are VERY crazy. We have been looking at several houses and have found 2 that we are absolutely in love with. Gavin is not thrilled about the move. The little aspie in him is not happy about the change in his routine. He doesn't want to leave his friends or his school. I understand it's a very big deal for him. Olivia is following my advice and treating this like it's an adventure. Gavin said that if we move then he will not go with us and he will just stay in the house after we are gone. I don't believe that was part of the real estate ad and if it was, then we need to ask more for the house :)
Picture this...
"Beautiful 4BR 3BA home on a one acre lot. All appliances and one child included."
That would definitely catch some attention don't you think?
Gavin did go look at the homes we like today which is a big step for him. He liked them and quickly told Olivia which room was his! We are trying to get him as pumped as possible without pushing him over the edge. He will be fine. I hate that they have to leave their friends because I know how hard that is on a kid. I also know that if we constantly bowed to their every whim then we would be making a great mistake as a parent. I feel that they will both learn something very valuable from this move. It will be a life lesson that will teach them about handling change and that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to.
I hope you all have a great rest of the day!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
She shoots...she SCORES!!!
"Mrs. Provance?"
"Yes."
"We have narrowed our choice down to you and one other person. We would like for you to come in for a second interview. It will be the five of us plus two additional committee members."
"Sure, I would love to."
Well, they asked me to come back and do it all over again. That's right me versus seven hungry staring people. It was at this point that I realized that it might be a good idea to start breathing again so I wouldn't pass out. The panic mode kicked in as usual and I had numerous conversations with the doubter in me. Why did they have to tell me it was down to me and one other person. The pressure was on now. Time for D-day!
The actual interview was on the day after the huge ice storm that hit Kentucky. Luckily our area was spared. The kids were out of school because not only did we get ice the day before, but we got snow the next day. The interview was not until 1p.m. so I had plenty of time to get ready. Joey came home from work early to drive me to the interview. The roads were too iffy for me to drive and he is kind of protective like that. We all piles into the 4-wheel drive truck and were off. I arrived at the interview a half hour early and had to wait for the other candidate to finish. All was well until I heard laughter in the hallway. That's when the voices in my head pounced. They told me all kinds of things I did not need to hear. "It must be going really well for them to be laughing so loud, they said." "You don't stand a chance. You're under-qualified and you don't have the experience." Nag...nag...nag! Finally it's my turn.
I entered the room and they were all smiling. Someone made a comment and they all laughed. I said, "You all had so much fun making the pale, sweaty girl squirm last time that you just had to do it all again huh?" Bingo! They all laughed hard at that one. The questions began, and even though I stuttered my way through some of them I felt like I had done fairly well. I was able to maintain my composure and I even made some more jokes. I wasn't going overboard with the jokes. I just threw out some witty comment every no and then. It was helping me relax. At the end of their questioning, they asked me if I had any questions. I said, "What no role-playing today? I had so much fun the first time." Once again they laughed hard at my joke. My job would involve being a secretary for three counselors (all three were in the interview with me). I asked each counselor what they expected from their employee. It was the only real question I could think of. The interview was finally over. They gave me a quick tour of the building. Once that was over, I hopped into the truck, where Joey and the kids had been waiting patiently for over an hour, and we started driving home. A few minutes after I left the interview I was on the phone with my brother-in-law, when it beeped to let me know I had another call. I switched over and it was one of my interviewers calling to let me know I had the job.
I was so stunned (and in a bad cell phone spot) that I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. I believe I said something like "oh wow...really?" That was just the professional answer I was looking for (notice that comment is heavy with sarcasm). I was caught off guard so I asked him if I could let him know my answer in the morning. (I had recently had an interview at another company that went well and I wasn't sure if I would be offered both jobs. I just needed to weigh my options). He said that would be fine but to let him know first thing in the morning. I hung up the phone with the interviewer and then with my brother-in-law. Joey and I talked about it for a minutes and he basically told me I was crazy if I didn't take this job. The other job wouldn't have benefits and it would start out as full-time then move to part-time in May. It was at a small CPA office and I was very much into the idea of a job in the field I had actually studied in school. We both decided that the job with the state was the best opportunity and that I couldn't pass it up. I immediately called them back and accepted the position.
Talk about "shooting the big one!"
So, as of February 16 I will be gainfully employed in the real world. I celebrated by leaving town for a week to visit my sister-in-law in Arizona.
I left the cold and snow to fly to much warmer temperatures. It was so beautiful. It was 75 degrees and sunny every day I was there. I had a tremendous time as always. Renee and her family are always a blast to be around. You can't help but have a good time when you're with them. They are always so happy and laughing. It could be because of the four crazy dogs they have. It is a know fact that I am not a dog person. The misconception is that I hate dogs. I don't hate dogs...I just prefer cats. Large dogs make me nervous (except Dana's rottie Thorn). Renee has two full sized dobermans and two miniature dobermans. They are a blast. One of the big ones knows how to open doors so you have to make sure you lock them especially if you are in the bathroom. They all follow her everywhere. We couldn't go outside with out Zena opening the door to let the whole crew out. Shelby (one of the min pins) is my favorite. She is old and grumpy but loves to cuddle. She doesn't lick either which is a big bonus for me! One night Renee, Niki and I were sitting outside talking and Shelby was in my lap. All was well until the two big dobermans started to play. Any time they came near Shelby and me, Shelby would freak out and start growling and barking. Renee said that was her way of protecting me. I wasn't in any danger of course but Shelby was protecting her spot on my lap.
I also got to hang out with one of Renee's friends who I absolutely adore. She is a lot of fun to be around! Thanks Tilty!! We have such a great time when we all get together. Renee and I had such a good time window shopping and riding around. She was going to teach me how to ride a dirt bike but we ran out of time. Oh well, there's always next time!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Is it hot in here or is it just me?
With my Associates Degree in hand, I have ventured out into the world of job hunting. It's a frightening experience that feeds on patience and frustration. I exited my educational realm with enthusiasm and a smile on my face eager for my first kill.
Hunting is a sport I have a somewhat knowledgeable grasp on. My husband is a seasonal hunter. If it's a season, then he is hunting! Job searching is not that different from hunting.
You gather up your supplies and watch a million shows on bagging "THE BIG ONE" to educate yourself. This is a lot like the process of going to school and getting your degree. (I would have to say that hunting "the big one" is cheaper!) The next step is to put together a resume and send it to every single classified ad in the paper, on the internet, and posted on any bulletin board that you see. I believe in casting a big net :) This process is a lot like a hunter baiting his prey. You buy a lot of corn feeders and scents like doe pee to attract your game. Deer really do love this stuff or at least that's what my husband says right after he says "here...smell this." Then, you sit back and wait for the phone calls to come rolling in.
Months down the road, when you have just about given up, you finally get that phone call. "Mrs. Provance, we have reviewed you resume and we would like for you to come in for an interview." Oh the rapturous joy you feel at that very moment. You call everyone you know and tell them about it. Then the reality sets in and the adrenaline wears off leaving you in shock and panic! "They want me to what?" That's right...they want to talk to me and ask me questions and stare at me intensely. That is when your brain kicks in to remind you to breathe because you're about to pass out!
So, two agonizing and panic filled weeks go by and it's D-day! The big interview has arrived! You wake up tired because you couldn't sleep. Your stomach is all in knots, and all you want to do is crawl under the covers and go back to bed. You have done your research but you still do not feel like you are ready for what lies ahead. My husband is like this on the day of a hunt. The only difference is that he wakes up at 2:30 in the morning to go hunting. His stomach is knots because he won't eat before he leaves so he won't have to go to the bathroom. He has done his research on which stand to hunt out of, which takes him as long as it takes for me to pick out my outfit. This whole day is like waiting in the tree stand for a monster buck to shoot. You finally see him and you take the shot. Did you miss it or did you hit the "kill zone?"
With the kids and the hubby finally out of the house, you rush into the bathroom to get ready. It's finally time to leave and of course you're already a few minutes behind schedule. The weight of what is about to take place takes over your every thought.
So here is how my interview today went...
I arrived at the location of my interview without passing out or "tossing my cookies." That was a big accomplishment on my part. If you remember a statement from one of my earlier blogs, my motto is "panic first and think later!" I was thankfully still ten minutes early despite leaving my house later than I wanted to. I was given a sheet of paper that described the job I was applying for. I was reading it over and over again (just in case there was a pop quiz) when I heard my name being called. The lady that was escorting me seemed very friendly. She did not at all fit my image of the grim reaper who should be escorting me into hell!
Now last night I was re-reading for the millionth time, my letter detailing the interview location and time, when two words jumped off of the page and smacked me in the face..."interview committee." Holy crap...there's more than one of them?!?!?! Yep...I walked into a conference room with five people staring at me. I began to sweat "like a whore in church with the preacher talking about fornication!" (thanks for the saying Dana) I had two choices. I could either sit down in the chair that was waiting for me, or I could turn around and run screaming down the hallway like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz! I chose to put on my "big girl panties" and deal with it!
I will admit that it was quite intimidating to have all of these people staring at me, but I somehow managed to sit down and brace myself. The first few minutes they described to me what I would be doing on a daily basis in this position. Then they decided to play let's go around the table and ask the pale, sweaty girl a lot of questions. Each one took turns asking me questions and wrote on a sheet of paper what I was saying. I think I did well during the Q&A. Then they dropped the bomb on me.
They were going to do a little role playing with me. I had to answer the phone and talk to someone who was disgruntled and politely let them know that the person they wished to speak with was on another line. I didn't think my face could get any more pale than it already was. I handled the "phone call" as best I could. It was very difficult to know what to say. I am not a person that handles conflict well, so I try to avoid it at all costs. I tried to be as polite as possible while maintaining control of the situation. When the lady that made the call returned to the room, one of the gentlemen stated that I had gotten lucky because she usually cries during role play. OMG...I sure dodged that one! It is quite difficult to handle a conflict when you do not know much about the situation, you aren't that familiar with your job requirements, and oh yeah, you have 4 people staring at you while you do it!
For the last part of the interview, I had to type up a letter and print it out. I almost panicked when she said type because I haven't typed on a regular basis for some time and I knew my speed would not be up to par. I also have fake nails on that make it very difficult to feel the keys. I had heard I might have to be tested on my typing but I didn't think it would be at that very moment. I figured I would have enough time to have the nails removed and practice with the kids Spongebob Squarepants typing software before I would be tested. Luckily, I was informed that I would not be timed. How many bullets must I dodge in one hour? I typed up the letter using an example in the file and then stared at the printer trying to figure out which direction to put the letterhead in. Deep down I knew that secretly they had counted the paper laying on the desk to figure out how many times it would take me to get it right. My angel that is always looking out for me helped me to get it right the first time! I even had the words lined up below the logo. SCORE! I walked the paper up to the receptionist and proudly turned it in. I said thank you and ran out the front door as quickly as possible!
All in all, they were very nice people and we did share a few laughs. They understood about me being nervous and even cracked a few jokes to loosen me up a bit.
So basically...I survived! I did however have to go home and wring out my bra, but I did it. One interview down and no telling how many more to go. I don't know when I will hear from this position, but I am glad to have the interview out of the way. Hopefully someday soon I too will get "THE BIG ONE." (my first kill)
I told you that job searching was a lot like hunting.
Hunting is a sport I have a somewhat knowledgeable grasp on. My husband is a seasonal hunter. If it's a season, then he is hunting! Job searching is not that different from hunting.
You gather up your supplies and watch a million shows on bagging "THE BIG ONE" to educate yourself. This is a lot like the process of going to school and getting your degree. (I would have to say that hunting "the big one" is cheaper!) The next step is to put together a resume and send it to every single classified ad in the paper, on the internet, and posted on any bulletin board that you see. I believe in casting a big net :) This process is a lot like a hunter baiting his prey. You buy a lot of corn feeders and scents like doe pee to attract your game. Deer really do love this stuff or at least that's what my husband says right after he says "here...smell this." Then, you sit back and wait for the phone calls to come rolling in.
Months down the road, when you have just about given up, you finally get that phone call. "Mrs. Provance, we have reviewed you resume and we would like for you to come in for an interview." Oh the rapturous joy you feel at that very moment. You call everyone you know and tell them about it. Then the reality sets in and the adrenaline wears off leaving you in shock and panic! "They want me to what?" That's right...they want to talk to me and ask me questions and stare at me intensely. That is when your brain kicks in to remind you to breathe because you're about to pass out!
So, two agonizing and panic filled weeks go by and it's D-day! The big interview has arrived! You wake up tired because you couldn't sleep. Your stomach is all in knots, and all you want to do is crawl under the covers and go back to bed. You have done your research but you still do not feel like you are ready for what lies ahead. My husband is like this on the day of a hunt. The only difference is that he wakes up at 2:30 in the morning to go hunting. His stomach is knots because he won't eat before he leaves so he won't have to go to the bathroom. He has done his research on which stand to hunt out of, which takes him as long as it takes for me to pick out my outfit. This whole day is like waiting in the tree stand for a monster buck to shoot. You finally see him and you take the shot. Did you miss it or did you hit the "kill zone?"
With the kids and the hubby finally out of the house, you rush into the bathroom to get ready. It's finally time to leave and of course you're already a few minutes behind schedule. The weight of what is about to take place takes over your every thought.
So here is how my interview today went...
I arrived at the location of my interview without passing out or "tossing my cookies." That was a big accomplishment on my part. If you remember a statement from one of my earlier blogs, my motto is "panic first and think later!" I was thankfully still ten minutes early despite leaving my house later than I wanted to. I was given a sheet of paper that described the job I was applying for. I was reading it over and over again (just in case there was a pop quiz) when I heard my name being called. The lady that was escorting me seemed very friendly. She did not at all fit my image of the grim reaper who should be escorting me into hell!
Now last night I was re-reading for the millionth time, my letter detailing the interview location and time, when two words jumped off of the page and smacked me in the face..."interview committee." Holy crap...there's more than one of them?!?!?! Yep...I walked into a conference room with five people staring at me. I began to sweat "like a whore in church with the preacher talking about fornication!" (thanks for the saying Dana) I had two choices. I could either sit down in the chair that was waiting for me, or I could turn around and run screaming down the hallway like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz! I chose to put on my "big girl panties" and deal with it!
I will admit that it was quite intimidating to have all of these people staring at me, but I somehow managed to sit down and brace myself. The first few minutes they described to me what I would be doing on a daily basis in this position. Then they decided to play let's go around the table and ask the pale, sweaty girl a lot of questions. Each one took turns asking me questions and wrote on a sheet of paper what I was saying. I think I did well during the Q&A. Then they dropped the bomb on me.
They were going to do a little role playing with me. I had to answer the phone and talk to someone who was disgruntled and politely let them know that the person they wished to speak with was on another line. I didn't think my face could get any more pale than it already was. I handled the "phone call" as best I could. It was very difficult to know what to say. I am not a person that handles conflict well, so I try to avoid it at all costs. I tried to be as polite as possible while maintaining control of the situation. When the lady that made the call returned to the room, one of the gentlemen stated that I had gotten lucky because she usually cries during role play. OMG...I sure dodged that one! It is quite difficult to handle a conflict when you do not know much about the situation, you aren't that familiar with your job requirements, and oh yeah, you have 4 people staring at you while you do it!
For the last part of the interview, I had to type up a letter and print it out. I almost panicked when she said type because I haven't typed on a regular basis for some time and I knew my speed would not be up to par. I also have fake nails on that make it very difficult to feel the keys. I had heard I might have to be tested on my typing but I didn't think it would be at that very moment. I figured I would have enough time to have the nails removed and practice with the kids Spongebob Squarepants typing software before I would be tested. Luckily, I was informed that I would not be timed. How many bullets must I dodge in one hour? I typed up the letter using an example in the file and then stared at the printer trying to figure out which direction to put the letterhead in. Deep down I knew that secretly they had counted the paper laying on the desk to figure out how many times it would take me to get it right. My angel that is always looking out for me helped me to get it right the first time! I even had the words lined up below the logo. SCORE! I walked the paper up to the receptionist and proudly turned it in. I said thank you and ran out the front door as quickly as possible!
All in all, they were very nice people and we did share a few laughs. They understood about me being nervous and even cracked a few jokes to loosen me up a bit.
So basically...I survived! I did however have to go home and wring out my bra, but I did it. One interview down and no telling how many more to go. I don't know when I will hear from this position, but I am glad to have the interview out of the way. Hopefully someday soon I too will get "THE BIG ONE." (my first kill)
I told you that job searching was a lot like hunting.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I will remember you...
Today is one of those days where you constantly think about what you were doing this time one year ago. One year ago today, I lost my sister in a car wreck. One year ago today, I had to grow up a little bit more. One year ago today I had to tell the most important people in my life that Missy would not be with us (physically) any more. One year ago today, my best friend, advisor, confidante, wife to Jeff, mother of two, friend to all who knew her, hard worker, live life to the fullest girl left us behind.
A lot has happened since then. We have all grieved, walked down memory lane, smiled, and yes...even laughed! I have learned a lot since then. When things seem to be at their worst, the people who surround you are your true friends. Don't look back at yesterday because it takes away from today. Hug the kids and snuggle with them just a little bit longer. They grow so fast! Make each moment with your spouse count! Be silly sometimes! Laugh until you can't stand it (or wet yourself-and if you've had kids you will)! Do something out of character! Cry when your heart aches from either joy or sadness.
I guess what I am saying is the old cliche of live each day like it was your last. I knew a beautiful lady who did this. She left this world with few regrets. She is also putting a boot in our a#% to make sure we do the same thing!
I plan on living this way. Can you do the same?
I love you Missy!!!
I'll Be Here
I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away;
But let me stay and take your hand
And walk with you today.
I'll listen when you need to talk,
I'll wipe away your tears;
I'll share your worries when they come,
I'll help you face your fears.
I'm here and I will stand by you,
On each hill you have to climb;
So take my hand, let's face the world...
And live just one day at a time.
You're not alone, for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile;
And when your grief is easier,
I'll help you learn to smile!
- Author Unknown
I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away;
But let me stay and take your hand
And walk with you today.
I'll listen when you need to talk,
I'll wipe away your tears;
I'll share your worries when they come,
I'll help you face your fears.
I'm here and I will stand by you,
On each hill you have to climb;
So take my hand, let's face the world...
And live just one day at a time.
You're not alone, for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile;
And when your grief is easier,
I'll help you learn to smile!
- Author Unknown
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